It's official, I'm old...

[judith_s]

I was reading the NYTimes, and in an article about women in elite colleges, it appears that most want to stay home and be full-time parents. As one of them blithely noted "Staying at home with your children isn't as polarizing of an issue as I envision it is for women who are in their 30's now." I guess I'm in my 30s, because I'm feeling hella polarized here.

This type of stuff really does piss me off. Of course, I note with some amusement, that many of the mothers of these girls also stayed home. So maybe it's just a cultural perpetuation. As one girl points out it "validates" her own mother's choice to stay home. And yet, it feels like women can now win at the game, and these girls are deliberately choosing to limit their options. At 18 no less.

Sometimes I'm just glad that I don't have daughters.

Comments

[cynthia1960.livejournal.com]

Damn. I hoped we'd be past that by now. You're right, eighteen is just too damned young to make that choice that limits your options for the next twenty-odd years (not to mention betting your livelihood on some guy's paycheck, and damn, the job market is too flaky to assume that paycheck will continue to come in). They remind me of the girls I knew at Santa Clara whose main goal in life was to find a nice rich Catholic boy. Some of my classmates who had children did choose the stay-at-home mom option, but my friends who did that also had spent quite a while in the work force before they made that choice.

[d3l1r1um.livejournal.com]

*twitch*

[shadowsmark.livejournal.com]

i have a somewhat different take: i don't have a choice to be a full-time mommy, but i would choose it if i could. practically speaking, most women don't have the choice. even women who went to ivy league schools still have a good chance winding up divorced with kids, for instance. i think the yale students saying they would make that choice may in fact be saying that they have that choice. and revelling in it.

[corset-chick.livejournal.com]

I think the important thing is that women have to be happy with their choices because no matter which ones we make, we're criticized for it.

If we stay home with our children, we aren't ambitious enough and are "wasting" our talents. If we got to work we're horrible, neglectful parents. We can't win.

My hope is to teach my children, both my boy and my girl, that there are pros and cons to all choices that one makes. That the best course is to keep as many options open as possible for as long as possible. Things in life are rarely black and white. I went to college and grad school and did interesting career work before I became a full time parent. I know at some point, when my kids start school, I'll be back to spending more time on my career. But it's silly/stupid to cast the die in only one direction and say "I'll never stay home" or "I'll always stay home". Life is what happens when we make other plans, and it never hurts to have as many tools as possible to roll with the punches, so to speak. We should all know how to support ourselves, cook a dinner without burning it, change a tire and sew on a button. It's just common sense!